Shew! What a summer it has been. 2016 has not been boring, let’s just start there. It’s been sad and heavy and hard, with pockets of joy. But mostly it’s been hard. I just have to be honest. I’ve been delaying and pushing off writing a post about the loss of my Grandpa. I’ve gathered my thoughts but I’m still not ready. But I will be soon.
With work I’ve been doing a step challenge through Global Corporate Challenge. This is my fifth year doing it and it’s a great way to up activity levels throughout the work day. I work from home so I could very easily be super stagnant. But I’ve come to realize how helpful getting steps in is for both my physical and mental health. I’ve blocked off time on my calendar to get out and walk at 10 AM, lunch, 2 PM and we go on a walk every night together as a family. It gives me something to look forward to during the day, it clears my mind and it keeps me active. What could be better? I highly recommend making a conscious effort to get in 10,000 steps a day too. Especially if you sit at a desk. It’s a game-changer.
The last part of this mini “life-lately” post, and the reason for the title…
Yesterday while I was picking up Benny at daycare, I was talking to his teacher. I hadn’t seen her since I was gone the last few days in Wisconsin and she was giving me things and catching me up on how Benny has been doing at school. A classmate and his Mom had just left the room and another boy and Benny were by the door. The other boy wanted to shut the door not realizing Benny’s little fingers were in the way and he slammed the door right on them. Benny started SCREAMING and his teacher ran quickly to free his hand.
It’s one of those moments where you know everything will be ok but seeing the pain and the fear in your baby’s eyes, it’s heartbreaking. It’s a moment that nothing can prepare you for as a parent. I stayed calm, reassuring him everything was ok. We iced his sweet little bruised up fingers and slowly but surely he started to calm down. We walked out to the car and I was getting him strapped in and I just started bawling! I’m not sure what scared him more, the hand slam or seeing me so upset. He asked “What’s wrong Mommy? Why you crying?” I explained that it made me so sad to see him hurt. I knew in the moment of his hurt that I needed to be a calming force for him, but my heart is just so tender right now that all the emotions from the weeks prior just exploded right out of me. I finally calmed myself and we drove home.
On my walk this morning I started thinking, this experience reminds me of the world these days. Every other day something happens. Someone loses a loved one. We ask “Where is God?” “If there is a God, how could this be happening?” Here is how I’ve come to wrap my brain around things:
God is not a genie in a bottle. God is not a wish granter. He hears our prayers, He sees our pain. He’s by our side through the ups and downs of life. However, we live in a sinful world that desperately needs more Jesus. Someday when we are face to face with our Creator, maybe then we’ll understand all of this better. I very well could have stopped that door from closing on Benny’s hand had I been standing by it, just like I do know God is capable of miracles. He will do anything He can to protect us. He cries when we cry, He rejoices when we rejoice. He cares more for us than our hearts could ever fathom. But we live in a broken world. God cannot and is not our constant parachute. Death will happen, sadly, it is one of the few guarantees of life here on Earth. It doesn’t make the circumstances of tragedy right or ok or even easy, but He can’t be our shield against all the sins of the world.
I know fingers slammed in a heavy door, pales in comparison to the pain and grief people have felt over the past few months, years even, as horrific tragedies have happened around the world. I’ve been soul searching for an explanation or some sort of understanding and this helped me, so I wanted to share.
We were put here on earth to fulfill our purpose. And one purpose that we all carry is to be the hand, eyes and feet of Jesus. The absolute best thing we can do is to represent Him well in a world that is hurting so very much.
I’m praying for relief for our broken world. Please do the same.